I am in this cave.
More than likely you if you are reading this, then you are all too aware of my current situation (and would like to hear about anything else by this point).
For everyone’s sake here, I won’t delve into details (also because it’s the internet and EVERYONE doesn’t need to know, but if you’re distant relation or concerned friend, I can fill you in if you want to know what’s up) but it made for the basis of this post.
I am currently working to both further my creative endeavors and to consider what it is that I want/need in this life. Who am I? Where am I going?
Well, anyone that asks me what kind of a girl I am would always have gotten the response, “well, i like people. And ideas. I have a lot of ideas and suggestions to better the world (lizziebeth, I know you know this very well). I tend to feel for people, to long to make things better.
I think if I had better control over my emotions, I would have pursued social work. I wonder though that it would be too much for me, the injustice, the times when there would be nothing I could do. I opt for aiding people by other means, like Craft Hope.
I think I could be a tutor. I love teaching but I lack the patience to have the rigid daily schedule that inevitably comes with a teaching position.
I am a paradox. I love organization. I love making life plans and lists (especially on paper so I can physically cross finished items off — or scribble them out in victory). But I hate routine. I hate doing the same things at the same times everyday. Just the mere fact of it’s constancy, regardless of my interest in the event makes me reject it.
In the same vein, I love doing things for people and for organization. I like repetitive tasks that allow me to think while I work. I love a good cleaning of the house, laundry, dishes. But I hate being told (or even asked nicely) to do any of those things. If it is left for me, I’m awesome. It’s all good. But there’s something about changing my plans suddenly (or lack of plans really) to do a chore that just inexplicably bothers the crap out of me.
Maybe they are different enough for this to make sense.
But I find it important, now that I’m doing it, to have a strong outline of what you want, especially when it comes to serious life choices like a career or a committed relationship.
So I’m making a list. (Hey, Alanis is WAY ahead of me on this one :D)
This is what works for me:
1. I need the freedom of deciding my own calendar (no micromanaging here)
2. I need my ideas to be heard, listened to, acknowledged, and respected (though critique/disagreement is just fine)
3. Sometimes I repeat myself. If that bothers you, let me know (I don’t realize it and I don’t want to bore you)
4. If you hold serious grudges, I’m going to have a hard time with you. I flare up in anger and indignation (or whatever the consuming emotion), but then I’m over it. If you can’t forgive relatively quickly, you’ll always be mad at me for little things and I’m likely to feel trapped and injured. I like resolutions.
5. I am all about affection and little romantic tidbits. If you’re going to feel smothered by that, we may have a problem. Certainly I can scale back on the cutesy, but it’s in my nature to want to do things for you.
6.It will also not be tolerated for you to exploit this caring nature. I am not a doormat nor am i a vehicle for your agenda. I am not your queen; I would be your equal, your match, your complement.
7. I want children. As in plural. More than one, fewer than ten (probably three). Before 30 would be ideal. That being said, it is important to note that I intend to raise them Catholic (which you don’t have to help with, but simply permit me to do so — obviously they would also learn your way of things, whatever they may be). Obviously if you were Catholic also, this would be considerably easier, but it is not a requirement.
8. As an addendum to the previous statement, I would also like to be married, in a Church, before having aforementioned children. This also means that I will be living by myself until we are married. The rest is just a mess that statistics show, doesn’t make sense.
9. I am pretty good about money/finances i think, but we both need to be able to talk about it, make plans, stick to them, etc.
That’s the list thus far. I think it’s important to know yourself and listen to your (heart) needs.
So how about you?
What is important to you to maintain about yourself?
What are you absolutes? Dealbreakers?